


i know everything about you (i don't want to live without you).

by notanannoyingfangirl



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Canon through Season 13 Episode 11, F/M, Getting Together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 16:52:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11878752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notanannoyingfangirl/pseuds/notanannoyingfangirl
Summary: "The sensation that does come is different, new, and it takes Meredith a second to process that Alex had just pressed a quick kiss to her lips before he had moved out of the room.It had been short, barely a second, a peck on the lips like they were an old married couple who greeted each other the same way every morning. And, okay, maybe they are kind of like an old married couple, but not that kind of old married couple.Alex had just gone for it, like it wasn’t a big deal. Like this wasn’t something that could totally turn their lives upside down and screw everything up and… and… and… Alex had just kissed her. Alex Karev, the man she had known since they were interns together and he was horrible and mean. Alex Karev, her best friends and one of the most amazing people she had ever met. Alex Karev, who put little kids back together and didn’t go to prison last night."





	i know everything about you (i don't want to live without you).

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hey guys, so it’s been a really long time since I’ve written any fic and I’ve decided to dip my toes back into the water with a Grey’s Anatomy fix it because binge watching season thirteen on netflix is breaking my heart. So this is Meredith x Alex for all of my fellow shippers, and I hope you like my work :) 
> 
> \- not anannoyingfangirl

It starts like this.

 

She had been all over the world looking for him today. She had tried every jail she could think to check, had tried to find his case online, yet nothing seemed to work. It was as if he had vanished. Poof. Gone. She had thought she would never see him again.

 

Hell, she had even gotten Maggie involved. 

 

So now, after the shitty day from hell, when all she wanted was a shower to wipe the day away,  _ that’s  _ when he turns up. Just jumps up in bed ( _ her bed _ ) as though she had been the one to scare him. And it’s so much of a relief, that he’s  _ here _ , that he’s  _ okay _ , that he isn’t leaving her like everyone else already did, that she’s pulling  him into her arms as though it is the most natural thing in the world. (By this point, if she’s being honest with herself, it is one of the most natural things in the world). 

 

Then, the realisation that Alex is here, that he’s okay, slams into her, and she pulls back, studying him with fresh eyes. “I’ve been looking for you all day,” she exclaimes, scanning him with her eyes, going over a checklist of things that could have happened in her mind. 

 

“I’ve been here all day,” he replies, and she feels like she can breathe again. “I’ve been sleeping.” 

 

“All day?” She asked, pushing him backwards on the bed so that she could flip over and lay next to him. 

 

“All day,” he reaffirms, lifting one of his arms so he can drape it over her shoulders and pull her closer to him, letting her rest her head on his chest. He drops a kiss to the top of her head, and flops back into the pillows.

 

“So what happened? Why aren’t you in jail?” Meredith questioned, picking her head up off his chest to look at him.

 

Alex shakes his head, “I’ll explain in the morning.”

 

It’s good enough that he’s  _ here _ , that he has his arms around her, that she can lay back down and rest her head on his chest and feel his heart beating, so she doesn’t ask again. Instead, she lets the comforting sound of Alex’s steady breathes and the even beating of his heart lull her to sleep.

 

\--

 

The thing is, Alex has slept in her bed before. It happens more often than anyone else knew, but most of the nights that he spent at the house were spent in her room with her. It’s not like it’s a big deal. They sleep together, but they don’t  _ sleep  _ together. 

 

It started after Derek died and she came back and everything felt wrong. It started because he knew that she would wake up from a nightmare crying, and somehow he knew that she would want him there. He just knew that it would be okay if he walked into her room and pulled her into his arms and let her calm her breathing by matching his. In the beginning, after he had calmed her down, he would slip back out of the room. But one night, somewhere along the line, he had worked a crazy shift and he was exhausted and by the time Meredith was snoring quietly, he was too tired to move. So he shifted into he was tucked under the covers and pulled one of her extra pillows under his head. 

 

They didn’t touch, they kept to the opposite sides of the bed. In the morning no one mentioned it, just got ready in the same chaotic pattern that they always did. 

 

And it was good.

 

So he started sleeping there more often, because it was just easier to be there from the beginning before Meredith woke up startled, and he would slip out in the morning so that Maggie wouldn’t see them because she wouldn’t get it. 

 

It was their pattern, and it worked. 

 

Of course, things had shifted because of Jo, and because he had moved out or whatever, but tonight things felt the same like they had used to. 

 

Only Meredith wasn’t upset about Derek dying, she was upset that he might be going to prison, but he wasn’t going to prison and everything was going to be fine.

 

They were going to be fine.

 

She falls asleep first, because she’s been running around all day and he’s been sleeping all day so he’s wide awake, but it doesn’t matter. He likes seeing her like this, her blonde hair haloing around her head on his chest, her face more peaceful in sleep than it ever is when she’s awake. He likes seeing her like this because when she looks peaceful like this, he knows she isn’t having one of her horrific nightmares about plane crashes or car accidents or dead husbands or dead sisters. 

 

He likes seeing her like this because he has them too… the nightmares. Only his are about bleeding out in an elevator, or his wife surviving cancer only to leave him. Lately, they’ve been about prison. 

 

Since he has them too, he knows how rare it is to get a full night of peaceful sleep. That’s why he likes seeing her like this, because Mer deserves to get some freaking peace in her life. 

 

\--

 

In the morning, she wakes to a tangle of limbs, and Meredith can feel Alex’s arm around her stomach and can feel him pressed against her back. He’s normally gone before she wakes up, or at least before he knows she’s awake, and she likes those mornings because she pretends to be asleep while he drops a kiss to her forehead and slips out of the bed. She likes the mornings like today best, the mornings where she awakes long before he does. 

 

His breathing stirs her hair, tickling the back of her neck, and she lets herself burrow deeper into the comforter. She likes feeling like they’re the only two people in the world, like they’re the only two people that matter, because that’s how it feels a lot of the time. Because there used to be five of them, and now there are two of them, and she can’t lose him too. So yeah, they’re pretty much the only two who matter sometimes.

 

Normally, when he sleeps over, he stays on the other side of the bed, and she lies on her side so she can see him before she closes her eyes. But last night they must have fallen asleep together, because she’s on his half of the bed, practically on top of him, and her side of the bed looks like it hasn’t even been touched. 

 

It’s kind of weird, because she doesn’t know exactly when it happened, but somewhere along the line the right side of the bed had become Alex’s side. Back when it had been her and Derek’s bed, she had slept on the right and he had slept on the left. After he died, she guesses that she started sleeping on the left, because Alex’s side of the bed is the right side of the bed. 

 

In a way, when the two of them are alone and in bed together like this, Meredith feels like she’s finally found the home that she’s been searching for, but she doesn’t say that out loud because that would sound a little too much like admitting the truth to herself, and Meredith has always been  _ very  _ good at denial. 

 

The hand that’s resting against her stomach twitches, and before she knows it, Alex is pulling his arm back from where it’s resting on her stomach and flipping over onto his back. 

 

Meredith follows the motion, rolling over so she can prop her chin up in her palm and study Alex’s face. “Are you going to tell me the story of why you aren’t in prison right now?”

 

Alex blinked his eyes open to look at her, reaching up to drag his hands down his face. “DeLuca dropped the charges. I don’t know why. I don’t really want to question the dumb good luck.”

 

Meredith nods, because she gets it, because good things don’t happen to them, and talking about the good things can feel a little too much like pushing fate sometimes. “You don’t have to talk about it. I’m just glad you’re here.”

 

“I am too,” Alex replies.

 

\--

 

By the time Meredith has showered and dressed and shoved a piece of toast into her mouth while she packs the kids cereal in to-go containers for the car, Maggie has wandered into the kitchen and is slowly using her spoon to turn her cereal into mush. 

 

It’s not until Alex walks into the room with Zola on his hip that Meredith thinks to remember why her sister would rather stare at her cereal than eat it.

 

There’s the clang of metal on ceramic as Maggie drops her spoon and it clatters against the bowl. “Alex!” she exclaims, “we thought you were in prison! Where were you?” 

 

Her eyes flickered over to Meredith, taking in the way that Meredith seemed unsurprised to see Alex strolling into their kitchen. “Hold on, did you know he was back?” 

 

“Never left,” Alex grunted, bending down to steal one of Meredith's pieces of toast. 

 

Meredith reached up and pulled her piece of toast out of her mouth, resting it on the counter, “He was sleeping in my bed,” she says as an answer to Maggie’s question, although it just seems to make Maggie look more confused than ever.

 

Alex, taking it upon himself to ease the confusion, shook his head and said, “DeLuca dropped the charges, okay?” 

 

“Okay,” Maggie replies with a grin, she looks like she wants to say more, but she doesn't. Instead she picks the spoon up from her bowl of cereal and shoves it into her mouth. 

 

“I have a meeting with Bailey this morning, can I catch a ride to the hospital?” Alex asks, finishing his stolen piece of toast. 

 

“Of course,” Meredith replies, like he’s stupid for even having to ask, which he is, but whatever. “Maggie and I have to drop the kids off at daycare before school.” 

 

“I’ll put Zola in the car,” Alex replies, lifting the little girl’s backpack from where it was resting on the floor. 

 

Zola was in first grade, and she got on the bus for school from the little daycare place that Meredith had started taking the kids to once Bailey and Zola had started to outgrow the hospital nursery. 

 

Meredith nods at him, starting to turn around to say something to him, but finds her words cut off when she realises just how close he’s standing to her. He has that look on his face, the kind of look he gets before he bends down and presses a kiss to her forehead, so she stares up at him, waiting for the familiar presence. It doesn’t come.

 

The sensation that does come is different, new, and it takes Meredith a second to process that Alex had just pressed a quick kiss to her lips before he had moved out of the room.

 

It had been short, barely a second, a peck on the lips like they were an old married couple who greeted each other the same way every morning. And, okay, maybe they are  _ kind of  _ like an old married couple, but not  _ that  _ kind of old married couple. 

 

Alex had just gone for it, like it wasn’t a  _ big deal _ . Like this wasn’t something that could totally turn their lives upside down and screw everything up and… and… and… Alex had just kissed her. Alex Karev, the man she had known since they were interns together and he was horrible and mean. Alex Karev, her best friends and one of the most amazing people she had ever met. Alex Karev, who put little kids back together and didn’t go to prison last night. 

 

She’s pretty sure she stared after his back for a good few seconds, processing what had just happened, before Maggie’s voice snaps her back to reality. 

 

“Okay… you totally have to tell me when that started!” Maggie gushed, staring after Alex’s retreating back as he vanished out the front door.

 

“What?” Meredith asks, shaking her head to clear the mess of thoughts swimming through her head. Alex had to have been mistaken, it was just an instinct, something he used to do with Jo or whatever. There was no way he had actually meant to kiss her. That was just crazy. “No, we’re not… I mean that wasn’t… it’s not like that. Forget it, okay?” she snaps, already frustrated at having to deal with Maggie’s questions as well as her own.

 

“Okay, fine,” Maggie surrenders, holding up her hands in mock surrender, “but it didn’t look like nothing,” she adds with a wink. 

 

Meredith feels the blush creeping over her cheeks and fights hard to ignore it. 

 

\--

 

It doesn’t hit Alex until he’s in the back seat of the car with the kids, watching Maggie and Meredith in the front seat as they seem to have an entire conversation with their eyebrows. And when it does hit him, he leans back in the seat and reaches up to drag his hands over his still-tired-even-after-sleeping-all-day-and-all-night eyes. 

 

“Shit,” he mutters softly to himself, hoping that the kids didn’t hear the bad word that he just said.

 

He had kissed Meredith. Like it was nothing, like he did it every day. He had kissed Mer, and Maggie had seen the whole freaking thing. Great. Perfect. This was just what he needed today.

 

On top of worrying whether or not he was going to get his job back, he now had to worry about the feelings for his best friend that were getting hard to ignore. He knew that Jo had often been jealous of his friendship with Meredith, but he hadn’t lied to her when he had insisted that they were just friends. They were just friends, or they had been. Meredith was the most important person in his life, nothing was ever going to change that. But he hadn't really thought about her romantically in years. Sure, she was totally hot, but she was with Derek and he was with Izzy and then he wasn't with Izzy and she was still with Derek and she had a family and then he had Jo. And then Derek died, and Mer needed him more than ever, and he was there for her because he always would be. 

 

He was there for her because he loved her, of course he did, you don't stand by someone through the thick and the thin for that many years without loving them. And she was all he had left.

 

She was all he had left, and now he had gone and fucked everything up with her too.

 

The rest of the car ride is silent, or at least he and Meredith are silent, Maggie’s mouth is running a mile a minute about some surgery that she has with Riggs later that day and wondering aloud if they still have a chance even though he’s not looking to date right now.

 

But Alex isn't listening to her, and he knows that Meredith isn't either. His mind has pressed the rewind button and is replaying that moment in the kitchen over and over again. It had just felt so natural, like the logical thing to do before he headed out to the car was to kiss Meredith goodbye. 

 

\-- 

 

By the time Meredith has dragged her purse out of the car and is shutting the door behind her, Alex has already vanished into Grey-Sloan Memorial. Maggie, oblivious as usual, doesn't seem to notice the weird tension between them during the ride to work. 

 

Meredith hated it. Alex was her person, it felt  _ wrong  _ to not be able to talk to him about this. If it had been boy problems with anyone else, he would have been the first one she went to about it.

 

Instead, it's all she can do to focus on her surgeries and not alternate between worrying about his meeting with Bailey and what will happen between them now that everything feels different. If she can just talk to him, explain that she understands that it wasn't really her that he was thinking about this morning… maybe everything will be okay. 

 

He’ll grin that stupid grin of his, laugh, try to hide his pain that he obviously misses Jo and she won't even talk to him. Meredith will hand him a bottle of booze and let him sleep in her bed that night, and in the morning she’ll kick his ass all the way back to Jo’s apartment until the two of them talk about their problems. Then everything will be fine, and they will be fine, and even Jo will be fine. 

 

So Meredith comes up with her speech, rehearses it in her head all the way through her bowel resection, and resolves to have a series talk with Alex as soon as she can find him. 

 

Of course, she’s not expecting to walk right into him as soon as she exits the OR. 

 

“Mer,” he says excitedly, grinning like a madman, “I got my job back! Bailey says I can start later this week!” 

 

On instinct, Meredith launches her arms around Alex, pulling him down so she can nestle her head between his neck and shoulder. For a moment, she forgets her plan to ship him back into Jo’s waiting arms. For a moment, all she can think about is the fact that Alex isn't going to prison and Alex got his job back and Alex is back where he belongs.

 

Her mind has become a collection of “Alex. Alex. Alex.” over the past few weeks. The nagging voice in the back of her head, the voice that she usually drowns out with tequila, likes to try and suggest the reason for that. She tries to ignore it, but then Alex goes and kisses her this morning and the nagging voice gets just a little louder. 

 

She pulls back slowly, sliding her hands down his arms and smoothing down his tie. “I knew she would,” she replies with a grin, “this is your home. You know it, I know it, Bailey knows it.” 

 

\--

 

So in the end, Meredith never does have her big talk with Alex about how he should go back to Jo. After their conversation in the hallway everything seemed to go back to normal, like whatever had been off kilter between them had clicked back into place. And Meredith has to admit that she’s glad, because she just got Alex back and she doesn't know if she can take losing him again. 

 

The rest of her shift passes by quicker than she had expected, spending her lunch warding off questions from Maggie and quickly diverting the topic to the still-missing Amelia. Owen seemed to be losing his mind, and Meredith was concerned for her sister-in-law, really, she was. And speculating about Amelia’s whereabouts was easier than having to tell Maggie again and again that she and Alex were not a ‘thing’. 

 

After lunch she had a series of surgeries and a trauma case in the ER, but after the patient was stable she was blissfully free. Meredith couldn't wait to go home and tuck in her kids. 

 

(She also couldn't wait to see Alex again.)

 

But the house is dark by the time she gets home, the kids obviously already in bed, and it hits Meredith just how late it actually is. She knew that Alex had picked the kids up from daycare after his meeting with Bailey and Zola had gotten back from school, she had given him the keys to her car before he left the hospital. Maggie was still working, so she hadn't needed a ride home, and Meredith had assured Alex that she would take a cab. She would have felt guilty for sticking the kids on someone for a whole evening while she was at work, but this was Alex, and she knew that Alex loves her kids like they are his own. 

 

So instead of kissing her children goodnight, Meredith toes off her shoes and heads up the stairs. She cracks open the door to Alex’s room first, but the bed is still unmade from whenever he slept there last and his favorite pillow is missing so she heads in the direction of her room instead. 

 

The lights are on, so even before she opens the door Meredith knows that he’ll be inside. She pauses, her hand hovering over the doorknob, but everything was fine with them earlier so she takes a deep breath and pushes the door open, closing it carefully behind her so that the children won't get woken up. 

 

Alex is sitting on her bed, his feet crossed at the ankles and a medicine journal in his hands that he sets down as soon as she comes in the room. 

 

“I want to talk about this morning,” he says as soon as she sets down her purse and climbs onto the bed so that she’s sitting next to him. 

 

“Do I need to get out the tequila?” Meredith asks, only half joking. She has no idea how this conversation with Alex is going to go, and a large part of her wouldn't mind being drunk for it. 

 

Alex just shakes his head, brushing off her comment. “I shouldn't have kissed you this morning,” he says, his face serious. 

 

It shouldn't sting, Meredith had known this was coming after all, but it still does. 

 

Her throat suddenly feels too tight for words, and Meredith forces herself to nod, “I know…” she starts before taking a deep breath and forcing the words she had been practicing in the OR to come out, “I know you were just on autopilot and thought I was Jo. Really, it’s fine.”

 

Alex blinks at her, “that’s not what I was going to say at all,” he corrects her, “you should really let other people finish talking.”

 

Meredith snorts, but she doesn't interrupt when Alex starts to talk again. 

 

“I shouldn't have kissed you like that because it’s a total dick move to just plant one on a girl without knowing how she feels about you,” Alex says, a tiny half grin pulling up at the corner of his mouth, “especially when said girl is the only person you can count on, your best friend, and she’s been handed a really shitty deck over the past few years.”

 

“Try over her whole lifetime,” Meredith corrects, but she can feel her own smile tugging at her lips, and she slides closer until she could reach out and touch him if she wanted to. 

 

“Alex,” Meredith says, after they’ve stared at each other in silence for about a minute. 

 

“Yeah?” he breathes, and Meredith watches as his eyes flicker down towards her lips and then back up to her face. 

 

“It was okay that you kissed me,” Meredith told him, “you’re home to me, you have been for awhile. I just didn't want to admit it to myself because I didn't want to screw anything up.” 

 

“Mer,” 

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Can I kiss you again?” Alex asks, and his voice is so low that it almost doesn't register, but then Meredith is nodding and Alex leaning forward until there’s hardly any space left between them. 

 

Meredith closes her eyes, because it seems like the right thing to do, and reaches forward to tangle her fingers in the soft grey material of Alex’s pajama shirt. The added contact seems to be the final straw, because as soon as she grabs his shirt, Alex leans the rest of the way down and presses his lips to hers.

 

It's not fireworks, not like it was with Derek. And it's not the thrill of kissing someone you don't know in a badly lit bar. It's something different, soft and warm. It makes her toes curl. 

 

One of Alex’s hands reaches up to tangle in her blonde locks as he deepens the kiss, his other hand rests warm on her hip. It feels like he’s anchoring her down, to the bed, to the house, to the world. 

 

When he pulls away, they’re both breathless. 

 

“That should have felt weirder than it did, right?” Alex asks, he pulls his hand out of her hair, but it doesn't go far. He trails his fingers down the side of her face in a feather light caress. 

 

“I think I need some more proof,” Meredith teases, using her grip on his shirt to pull his lips back down to hers. 

 

\--

 

When Alex wakes up the next morning, Meredith is sprawled across his chest and one of his arms is numb from the way she was laying on it. His grey pajama shirt had disappeared sometime overnight, so her blonde hair tickled his bare chest. 

 

He reaches up, letting his free arm wrap around her to draw her even close to his side. It was weird to have the freedom to do that, to not force himself to slip out from the covers and back to his room before Maggie awoke and started asking questions. 

 

It felt nice, better than nice. 

 

Alex leans his head forward, dropping a quick kiss to Meredith’s forehead, smiling slightly when she starts to stir and snuggle closer to his chest. 

 

In return she presses a quick kiss to the side of his neck, before she rolls back over and slowly opens her eyes.

 

“Good morning,” she says, her voice carrying a hint of laughter.

 

“Good morning,” Alex replies, leaning over to press a soft kiss to her lips. 

 

When he pulls back, he watches Meredith blink open her bright blue eyes. “I love you, Alex, I know I didn't say it last night, but I should have. You know I love you, right?”

 

“I know,” Alex sighs, pressing another quick kiss to her lips, “and I hope you know that I love you too, Mer.”

 

“I know,” Meredith echoes, but she stops talking entirely when his lips find hers once more.

 

\--

 

When they emerge from the bedroom, hours later than normal and with ruffled hair and kiss swollen lips, Maggie takes one look at them and all but shouts.

 

“I knew there was something going on! Mer, how long have you been holding out on me?”

 

Meredith turns to the side to grin at Alex, “not all that long really.”


End file.
